I stood in the hidden holding with my keys    safe from judgement in my leaving    he asked me to stand back it wasn’t worth explaining me to his ex    my brother-in-law preyed on me relentlessly    I held the baby in my arms it was happy in my arms healthy    he said it was only once    I looked at the baby called only once     and said she is a beautiful baby and I am no one’s secret    anger is something you sit on or have at a table empty for dead relatives

a candle flame keeps me company

my friends said they would help me organise a funeral    we were in a mansion    I knew he would exploit the wealth and disrupt the service    there was a puddle of orange yellow animal’s urine on the white tiles    that’s what the restraining order had been for    I couldn’t make them understand as they were busy filling urns with white hydrangeas    he put his foot in the puddle and started walking it around on the plush white carpets    broke a vase    I put my foot down said we had to stop the preparations    I told him we were leaving    he gathered his stuff    I was surprised how compliant he was in death    all he owned    a cashbox    a couple of pamphlets    I said I’m taking you home    where are you staying    realising he was homeless